She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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