Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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