Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
