fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
