You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
