Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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