soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
