dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
