I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
