Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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