Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
