escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
