Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
