I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
