and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
