Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
