Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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