i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
