In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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