you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
