She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
