Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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