OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
