we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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