when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
