Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
