So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
