Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
