TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We have started to decorate penises.
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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