you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
