I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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