i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
