did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
