I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
