I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
