I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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