so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
