Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
