this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
