this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
