So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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