please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
