a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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