Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
