you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
