Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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