It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
