dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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