he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
