you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
