Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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