I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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