All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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