I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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