Already got asked if we're dating
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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