I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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