you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
