Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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