i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
