Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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