you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
