Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
