WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
